5 Binge Worthy Shows on Netflix & Hulu

My TV is constantly on. You would think, "Yeah, she's a mother." Wrong, it's background noise and something I get sucked into- regularly. I exed my cable a while ago. With our cable provider having over 300 + channels, and nothing to watch- it was a smart financial decision on my part. With that, I saved $200 and opted for Hulu (which is my go-to) and Netflix. I'm going to tell you MY favorite binge-worthy shows, that will suck you in- asking for more. 



The Real Housewives of New Jersey

RHONJ- Hulu

Yes, I am a sucker for reality TV. Thankfully Hulu has the best selection for my starving drama needs.  This show captures the lives of many women who live in New Jersey. There have been a few women that have cycled through the cast, but there are is one memorable name (that I can relate to), and others that just stick with you. It's like a train wreck, you don't want to look, but you can't look away. I followed this show a few years ago- I followed the drama of one particular housewife- Teresa Giudice. No, I don't have a multi-million dollar home or lavish lifestyle - well let's be honest, I think I do. But, with this housewife, I connected on a different level. She is human. Just like me. Just like you reading this. Anyone can make a mistake, no matter what the walk of life you come from. Being sentenced to a 15-month prison stay and myself being sentenced for 12-months. Both of us coming home on a house monitor. The fact of leaving your family, and coming back and bouncing back. She is a self-made woman and someone who made a mistake and bounced back. With all the ups and downs of all of the cast members, they show love, the strength of women, and the importance of family. Start from season one and treat yourself to a few days of mindless drama, laughs, tears and everything in between. 


The Office



This. Is. Timeless. I can watch this series over and over again. Steve Carell is a comedic genius. Michael Scott, a boss at a paper company from my home state, adds even more humor. The show follows a series of characters in a documentary fashion. They don't understand why they have been followed for 10 plus years, but in the end- there's a happy ending for everyone. The two love stories within the show are Pam & Jim, two love birds who start the show just by innocent flirting and a beautiful friendship. Their timing eventually comes together, but their funny antics never stop. The other office romance is Dwight & Angela. This is a secret relationship because of their characters. Angela is a prude/ tattletale and crazy cat lady. Dwight is dry humor, but the FUNNIEST character I have ever watched. I can't even begin to describe him. Being a British adaptation, they executed it above and beyond. The personalities represented in The Office is something I can relate to on a multitude of levels. Their personalities are people that I have worked with, and the characters are what keep you glued for more. When Steve Carell leaves the show after the seventh season, the show starts to take a strain. I feel that they really try to reach for jokes, and it starts to lose momentum. The most memorable episode for me is the "Fire Drill" episode. Take a peeksy at the clip posted, I promise you will die laughing. I do every time. The best thing about this show is the happy ending. 

Jane The VirginA classic telenovela revamp. If you don't know what a telenovela is, a quick rundown is it's just unbelievable drama and unheard of, unbelievable series of events that could only happen to one in a billion, and always has the fairytale ending. I know for a fact I could not watch this show episode by episode. This was something that I HAD to binge-watch. Jane, the main character who is
saving herself for marriage- accidentally gets artificially impregnated during a routine exam. She has a boyfriend in the beginning who is just as shocked as she is about the situation. The twist, the hotel that she works at she has had a crush on the owner's son. Shocker, it's his baby, and his sister is the OB who is a drunk that got her pregnant! There are so many details and emotional rollercoasters that go on in this show- it's a must-watch. I will always recommend this show to be watched!

Nurse Jackie

Nurse Jackie- Netflix

This show hits home. A drug addict, in a medical profession. This is real life, and this happens more than it is noted. Jackie, who is a sarcastic, quick-witted ER nurse has been a drug addict for years. She uses the pills to get through shifts and her everyday life. She manipulates the pharmacist in the hospital into an affair. She was very secretive about her family life, and only one person knew about her family - a husband and two daughters at home. She would take off the ring when at work, and live a double life. Like all "good" things, they come to an end and come crashing down around her. She loses everything, from her family and even her job eventually. After stays in rehab and trying to work a program, she learns to love herself. She receives her happily ever- eventually. If you are suffering from addiction- there is hope. Look at me! Look at this show (not that that sounds like a lot of hope) but it's relatable. 



Dr. Pimple PopperNow, this show is a stretch. I am one of those weirdos who finds popping pimples soothing. Dr. Sandra Lee AKA Dr. Pimple Popper has had a Facebook page for years before moving her show to TLC and now Hulu. Before the show was on TV, I would stream the videos from her channel on her page. When the show finally launched, I was obsessed! Being able to follow patients' stories, and how it happened really captured me. I must say that this is a show that I like to put on when I'm about ready to fall asleep. You know how they have those ASMR (autonomous sensory meridian response) videos? This is what soothes me. From her following, I can only assume that there are many people out there that feel the same way. Dr. Pimple Popper changes lives. Her
patients and her viewers! Must watch if you're not squeamish! 


Those are my top five binge-worthy shows! Tell me in the comments what are some of your favorites?! Give me something new to watch!


With love,
Shell Spaid

Fall Days with Chili Vibes

Fall is officially in full-blown force here in Western Pennsylvania! The crisp autumn air with the chilly nights has always been one of my favorite times of the year. It's the season of death and change. Truly a mesmerizing time. One thing I have always loved was a good chili recipe. I remember being pregnant with my middle son and watching chili cook-off shows on The Food Network. I took bits and pieces from each and made my own! I hope you guys enjoy this recipe!

Ingredients:
Serves 10-12 (but who really measures? I know I eat like 4 in one sitting.)
Meat:
1 lb Ground Chicken
1 lb Italian pork sausage (I like spicy, so I opt for the spicy kind. If you don't - that's fine too!)

Produce:
3 Green bell peppers (I put seeds and all in them)
2 cans of diced tomatoes
1 large onion
4 cloves of FRESH garlic (Your house will smell of garlic, and your hands, and everything you touch. I apologize, but garlic is pretty much life.)

Canned goods:
1 can 14 oz red kidney beans - juice and all
1 can 14 oz white kidney beans - yes, still add the juice
24 oz Chicken broth (I use the Bone in Broth brand)
6 oz Tomato paste

Let's Get Spicey:
2 tsp Brown sugar, packed
1 tsp Cayenne pepper
2 tsp Tuscan seasoning (this is hard to find - Italian seasoning will work as well)
4 tbsp Chili powder
3 tsp SMOKED paprika
Salt - eyeball it but if you insist on measuring 1/2 tsp
The secret ingredient:
3 tsp of Cocoa powder. Yes, you read that right. Chocolate. Chocolate & Spice, and all things nice!

Oil:
3 swirls of oil (frying the meat)

Dairy:
2 cups Cheddar cheese (The sharper the better)
1 1/2 cups Mozzarella cheese
Parmesan cheese (whatever you use to top your spaghetti)
Dollops of sour cream (treat your self, don't be skimpy)

Finished Chili

Let's get down to business:
Prep your vegetables. This is a personal preference. If you're a chunky kind of person, leave your peppers and onions bigger. If not, mince them or better yet, throw them in a chopper and let the chopper do the work. I prefer to be in control, so chunks it is.
For the garlic, peel garlic and place on cutting board. Take the flat side of the knife and smash that. This can be therapeutic to the right person. Chop finely and smear it. It will break down in the cooking process.
Take your chicken and Italian sausage and brown them in a large skillet. This is where your swirls of olive oil come in to play. Once it starts to brown, sprinkle lightly salt, one clove of garlic, a dash of chili powder and paprika. Once seasoned, open the tomato paste and mix with a spatula until all of it is combined.
In your crock-pot, pot, on Insta-Pot, put your meat in the bottom of the pot.
Next, add both cans of beans with the juices.
Add the tomatoes next. Mix until evenly combined.
Add the spices, mix until evenly distributed.
Let it simmer for four hours.
One hour before serving, add your cheese and mix. Cheesy, gooey goodness, helllllo.

Add caption

Ladle out into a bowl. Top with remaining cheese. (You have a bag, do NOT use sparingly) Finish with a dollop
or four of your favorite brand of sour cream.

Enjoy!

Prisoner

As I am looking around nervously in my honors English class of my senior year, I start to feel the sweat roll down my lower back. I know I can't wear grey, but I do anyway. My shirt slowly changes from light to dark. I am counting the students in front of me giving their speeches. 

Why do they do this? What is the point of making us practice public speaking? I don't care where they're attending school. Half of them will blow their college years away. The other half will slowly fade into the American standard, the business world. 

The hot yoga classes. 

The stay at home moms who start to drink at 8 in the morning. 

But that's okay. They have it under control. They'll eat more of these footballs than I ever will. 

(These all tend out to be true.)

I have no intention of ever being a public speaker.

I feel my heart racing, and the blood rushing to my ears.

Is this going to stop?

I reach for my bag and grab the green bottle. The cap is distorted and the words are faded. 

This.

This is my only friend.

This is my only relief.

I am so grateful that my gynecologist understands that a 17-year-old girl needs high levels of benzos. 

Thank you for the addiction. One more demon to add to my cage.

They say the more the merrier. Is that true in this case?

I take out the little blue football and pop it under my tongue. I normally don't take them like this, but I don't have time to run to the bathroom. 

My nerves start to get to me. 

I am a picker. 

I get nervous, and I pick. There are marks on my chest- reminders that these demons are real. 

The demons start to be crushed. 

The irony that these football-shaped pills are like playing football with my demons. 

They tackle my problem. They crush. They score. They win. Sometimes. 

One more student in front of me. 

Why am I talking about going to Slippery Rock to cheer? That's not what I want.

What I want was to stay home and go to school. 

However; my parents hid my acceptance letter. They act like they're paying for it. What a joke that is.

Off to another school, I go. I don't pursue my dreams. I don't chase after what I'm good at. 

I settle. That's part of these demons. They don't let you conquer those aspirations you want. 

The student is wrapping up their speech. Everyone is clapping. 

Why? It was a speech. 

The teacher calls my name. I look up from my desk. I realize I have been squeezing the sides since I sat down.

My knuckles hurt and they're white. My acrylic nails physically hurt. 

I push myself away from the desk, and my heart wants to beat fast. My football is crushing the feeling. 

Isn't it weird that you can still feel something without feeling it?

I rise up slowly. My ripped jeans, UGGs, grey Abercrombie shirt. Now soaked. 

The curls I put in my hair have fallen from sweating.

It looks like I just rode the hotmess express.  

I look like I have my shit together. The reality, my shit is scattered. 

I force myself to walk to the podium. Official, aren't we? 

I feel my eyes start to swell with tears. My eyes are literal glass. 

I keep counting, I keep grounding.  I keep trying to go.

34 eyes are on me. 17 sets of eyes. 17 people waiting for me to open my mouth. 

To tell my dreams and aspirations. My goals, my life plan. 

I don't know my life plan. I'm 17 years old my self. 

I start to open my mouth. A weird noise comes out. It's not words but a sound. A grunt.

I feel the football still crushing the demons. It's coming in waves. 

The tears drop from my eyes. I look at my teacher with pleading eyes to not make me do this. 

I have had this conversation a thousand times. 

I finally have a little relief. I start to talk. Those 17 sets of eyes are intimidating. 

I can't do it. I would rather take a bad grade than to have my heart explode on the spot. 

This is what it's like to live with social anxiety, depression, bipolar. The list goes on. This is how it feels. The impending doom of what's to come. The people judging you, but you have the "I don't give a fuck" attitude. But you do give a fuck. A really big fuck. 

Those demons own you. You can only play football for so long before you are tired and want to retire.

 You're going to lose... eventually.

That's when you lose yourself. You are gone. You are a prisoner to yourself. Do you know how awful that is?

Your life is caged inside the skeleton body that is yours. You walk and talk to the people you love and trust. Other than that you are a caged animal. You are looking from the inside out. 

Why can't you be normal? All you want is to be able to go out in public. Have a small talk conversation and not to worry about if they are judging your eyebrows, or your scars because you picked your self into oblivion. 

Years of talk therapy.

Years of footballs.

Trips to a psych ward because you want to be normal. 

Time lost with your kids. Missed first birthdays. Missed memories. 

Years lost off your life. 

You are strong.

You are strong.

You are strong. 

You were given this demon because you are strong enough to fight it. 

Those feelings can be pushed. The demon can be caged.

You will hear it rattling from time to time. Know that you have the key.

Social anxiety is a bitch, but you are a bigger one.

Stay clazzy,

Shell <3 

A Letter to My Younger Self

A letter to myself. One that I have written a thousand times. I keep all the copies to look back and reflect. With the new semester approaching, and these paths I keep crossing - it's something that is helpful and frees the soul. 

To a younger Shell, 
The path you choose to go on is a wild one. Whether you look at the big picture where you are going or the short snippets of the crossroads, you will overcome and you will survive.  The last five years have been a trying period. Your firstborn was a miracle in and of itself. You're a mom! Can you believe it? You never thought you'd ever have a child, let alone three boys. Along with becoming a mom, you became a drug addict. That's a hard fragment to read. You never thought it could happen to you. However; addiction doesn't discriminate. You will see it comes in all shapes, sizes, rich & poor.  
Please, hold on. I wish I could tell you to change everything and anything. In my heart, I always wonder what would have happened? But I need you to know, our story is better than any "what if". 
It's hard to phrase whether your oldest son's father was a mistake. The years of lies, manipulation, secrets, physical, emotional and mental abuse. Where can you see the silver lining? The only positive, he gave you Nicholas & Dominic. In turn, the closing of that chapter that cost you a year of your life opened one of the best ones in your life, your husband and life now.  
The elephant in the room- how did you lose a year of your life? Did you die? Were you in a coma? The answer is a big no. You clearly didn't die, but you feel as if a part of you did. There was no coma. Unfortunately, your life seemed to be on hold.
Jail. Nine months in jail. Three months on house arrest. The funny thing about this is, you drove past the prison a few weeks before your end of the run. You looked at the building and looked at your ex. You told him you were starting to have dreams of that place. Hearing the doors lock in your dreams. You knew the end was coming. I wish you would have realized you weren't invincible. You got lucky you didn't get hit with charges you should have. Count your blessings, young one. Jail was a blessing in disguise. You would have killed yourself if you kept going down the road you were traveling.  
When you were saved, you didn't know if you would ever find love. In those four walls and a metal door, you had a lot of time to think. Some of the toughest moments of a mother happened while having your hands tied. You almost lost Dominic. Your incompetent ex's mother & ex let him get into heroin. Your baby boy had to be life-flighted and Narcan(ed) three times. My heart sinks reading that. How could someone let that happen to a nine-month-old? Just know that he will be safe. Justice won't be served in this case. 
Your two boys are in the best possible place. I wish I could tell you that you'll have a big family to come home too. Everyone will be there with open arms. They won't be. I wish I could prepare you for the biggest legal battle against your own parents. I wish I could tell you that family is everything. It's not. Mourning the living is harder than mourning the dead. There is no closure, there is no end to the hurt. 
The most important part- the love of your life will come thundering into your life. I know we thought love was done, and our hearts were full with the love with our boys - your heart will grow and your life will grow with it. There are not enough words in the English language to describe the passion, drive and life that this man will give you. The additions that he adds to your life. 
Girl, you're going to get married! You read that right! M-A-R-R-I-E-D.
The storm you went through was a hurricane. The blessings that came after are worth it. I want you to put into perspective the story of Noah's Ark. You had to destroy your old life. You needed to put the important parts inside of you to be saved. Start new. 
You are strong. You are smart. You are brave. 
I love you. Your kids love you. Your husband loves you. 
Keep your head up. It only gets better from wherever you are. 


Love and more,
Shell 

It's time to introduce myself

If you're from one of my social media outlets, you kind of know who I am. If you stumbled across my blog, then you're probably like- another blog, yippee.

I know, I feel the same way about some blogs. But, I want to connect with people. There are a few blogs that I get excited when they launch a new post. I hope to become one of those. So, I guess if I want people to connect with me, I need to make myself transparent. 

Let's get to know me! (Or as well as you can get to know someone on the world wide web!)

1) My name is Francise Michelle, but I have always been called Shell. My first name is pronounced Frances; however, people butcher the pronunciation all the time. My own parents have never even called me that. So, it's a pointless name.  

2) I am a mom of three boys. My oldest is Nicholas or I call him Nicky. He just turned five and he'll be starting kindergarten in the fall. My middle is Dominic or Dommy/Domma-romma. He's my wild child and the one who's going to put me in an early grave. He beat death from his careless "grandmother" on his dad's side. He had to be narcaned 3 times and thank sweet baby Jesus, he is perfectly okay, happy/healthy and now SAFE. My older two have the same dad. He's thankfully not around and in prison. Where he will be for some time. (I'll leave this for another blog, another day) Lastly, my baby Ian or Essa as everyone knows him. These are the keys to my heart. 

3) I am a newlywed! I got married in May to my best friend and soulmate, Ian. We met each other in the strangest place- jail. Who would have thought? I worked on the night cleaning crew, and he worked night laundry. He saw me through the glass doors. (Talking to the opposite sex in jail is a BIG no-no) He thought I was pretty even though my hair was grown out. (Black roots and blonde ends. Girl, I was a M-E-S-S!) He added me on Facebook when he got out, and when I came home I accepted it, and we started talking. Romantic, huh?

4) I pretty much am a professional college student at this point. I have been in school steady for the last 10 years. I went to school for Nursing, Business Management, Cosmetology school, and now where I finally found my niche, Communication Media with a double major in Marketing. *claps and whistles* for your girl right here. 

5) With number 4 being stated, I work from home as an influencer. My double major has been helping me with this career choice, and so far it has been rewarding! I am more than willing to share any tips and tricks that I can! Education is KEY! It is crucial on delivery and execution. 

6) Organization is my best friend. I live in a planner. If it's not written down, it's not going to happen. With school, work, emails, packages being delivered, and deadlines- it is CRUCIAL to stay on top of things. 

7) I am a fur-momma. His name is Xanax, but we call him Xan/Xander for short. The name is a silly one, and the explanation will be saved for another time, to leave you guys coming back for more. I love him more than anything. He's the prince of our castle. He likes to fight birds and skunks through our laundry window. (He has an ego problem- but don't we all?)

8) As you read above, I was in jail. I spent almost a year there, with the remainder of my sentence (3 months) on house arrest. Let me tell you, I would have spent the rest of my time in jail. House arrest is hard. Not being able to walk out your door, or into your yard- it's hard. Not being able to go sled riding (it was winter) is hard. When you're in jail- all you have is time. On the 'outside', all you have is time that you need to utilize. I'll save this for a different day.

9) The above fact leads me to the next segment. I was a drug addict. I battled my demons, and I won. I am thankful each day for another chance. I used to pray for death. Now, I pray for life. When I get to wake up each morning, there is someone who just took their last breath. From my addiction, I have learned to be humble. I am not one of those who believe that I am a "recovering" addict. I recovered. I won. If you beat cancer, are you still a recovering cancer patient? This hits many different places for people. Many don't agree with me, but you know what? That's okay because I don't agree with them either. 

10) I started this blog because I wanted to help people. I wanted to connect like I said above. One of my downfalls is that I am a people pleaser. I have been trying to move into focusing on myself. I have been practicing more self-care, and recently got into yoga. 


So, those are 10 little blurbs about me. I want to get to know my readers! Leave me a fun comment about you! 

Happy Birthday

My oldest turned 5 today. I am in a whirlwind of emotions and feelings. Where have these last 5 years gone? My heart is aching, but I am so overwhelmed with pride at all that my son has overcome.

This isn't a subject that I speak on. I know that a lot of my followers wonder where my other two boys are. The answer will be explained in this blog post. I want you to wipe everything and anything out of your mind, and keep a clear head when we go into this story.

Six years ago, I did the unimaginable. I left one toxic relationship to go back with another toxic person. This toxic person had been in my life since I was in high school. I had a hard time realizing that just because you're with someone, doesn't mean that it has to be forever. Now, mind you- prior to this, I had never wanted to be a mom. I was career-oriented, goal-driven, on a path to a successful life. I was working full time, and attending college. I was power-hungry and even hungrier for money.

I used to have a relationship with my parents. It was a late developed one, but it was one none the less. When I found out I was pregnant, I was horrified. I was 23, and I wasn't ready. I am a naturally selfish person, and I am well aware that I am this description. The funny thing about this pregnancy is that the dad knew I was pregnant before I even had a feeling. He'd look at me and tell me that I was pregnant. I would laugh in his face. It couldn't be possible. I was on the NuvaRing. I was getting my cervix scraped every other week for precancerous cells. I had every medical reason why it couldn't be. (Also, the most important one- it wasn't happening.) God had every reason why it should be.

You know, it's funny how God and that stuff works. When you least expect something, or when you think that you know what you want, and God shows up with the complete opposite. He knew I needed someone to love me unconditionally. He knew that my heart was aching. He gave me the best love I could have ever been given.

When it comes back to my parents, I was always told: "Don't come home pregnant." Well, I did just that. Since the day I told my parents, I haven't stepped foot in their house. I haven't spoken a word to my father who was so disappointed in me. (He is a wonderful grandfather to my sons though.) I didn't follow through with his plan, what he wanted me to do. I guess you live and you learn? Which, I learned that I can't live to make everyone else happy. It has taken years, but I finally got it.

The pregnancy was a rough one. After finally coming to terms, and the idea that I was going to be a mother, I dove headfirst into this journey. I did everything and anything by the books. I went to every doctor appointment, ate every vitamin, read every forum, and then some. During the middle of my pregnancy, I switched jobs and got a huge house. It was just myself working at the time. The father wasn't the best at keeping a job and had more issues than a teenage girl. I ended up having collapsed ureters (right side). I had to have surgery every six weeks. In between those appointments, I was prescribed heavy, and I mean heavy narcotics. (Fentanyl and Vicodin) You read that correctly. All while being pregnant, I was taking these medications because I trusted this doctor. Why would a doctor want to harm me? Why would a doctor want to harm my baby? Now, please understand prior to this pregnancy, I had never touched a drug in my life. I would drink here and there but never dabbled in this unknown world, which I'll end up being very familiar with. I had never even smoked weed, nothing. I never abused these drugs I was prescribed. I took them as I was told. I never thought twice about it.

I was admitted in the evening to the hospital on July 15, 2014. I was having horrible pain in my back and I couldn't walk. I was literally crawling from the pain. They gave me an ultra-sound the next morning (July 16), and sure enough, my ureter was collapsed. They did an ultrasound on Nicholas, and his new due date was now reading in the middle of September. I was originally due in August. I didn't understand what this meant. The radiologist told me that my baby appeared to have stopped growing. Of course, I went back to my room and Googled everything under the sun. None of which ended up with a happy ending. They hooked me up to the contraction machine and had me be monitored until they could get ahold of my OB/GYN. It was later that night, that the doctor finally called. I was never made aware that they were going to induce me. My mom was in Tennessee, where she frequented back and forth for work. I still had a relationship with her at this time, and I wanted her to be there.

The whole early morning of the 17th, I was in horrible pain. I tossed and turned all night. I cried. I yelled at his father. I was afraid and I was alone.

At 6:45 AM, the doctor came in and told me they were going to induce me in 15 minutes. I was shocked. This can't be happening. At 7, the OB came in. My water broke on it's own. I put myself in labor. I was going. I had no chance for an epidural. I had no chance for anything. At 7:32 AM my 4lb 10oz baby boy came into this world on his own terms. He was 17 inches long, and he was my slice of heaven on earth. They tried to place him on me, slime and all, and I told them to get him off of me. I loved him from afar at first. I had a lot to take in. I was a mom.

An hour later, I digested the turn of events. I walked to his incubator and touched him for the first time. Prior to this, I had never held a baby. I never touched one, couldn't tell you the first thing about them. Here I was, thrown into motherhood.

Nicholas was born 4 weeks early. No health issues. 100% perfect. My health issues resolved after birth. No need for medication anymore. I went home, eager to jump on this motherhood journey. I went home, and I felt sick. I was hot. I was cold. I was shaking. I was moody. I thought it was hormones. (It was partially that.) The main thing it was, was withdrawal. The doctor never told me what was going to happen to me. That I was now physically dependent on these drugs.

I went searching at first for these medications. I knew an older woman who had been prescribed the same things. I would ask my grandmother for $90 a day to keep myself right. She handed it to me, without the slightest inkling on what was going on.

Finally, one day, I received a message on Facebook from a person that I was vaguely familiar with. He asked me if I knew anyone who wanted any bags. 2 for $20. I thought I was getting a deal! I bought them with out my child's fathers knowledge. I was in nursing school before, so I had an IV kit at home. I watched a few YouTube videos, and I thought I had it down. I was sitting at my dining room table when he walked in. He took one look at me, and screamed "You dumb bitch." He snatched everything out of my hand and looked at me with shock, disbelief, and disappointment. I finally opened up to him about my struggle. He struggled with addiction in the past. I wasn't comfortable claiming that this was what I was struggling with. He did promise to help me get off of it. We were going to "taper down". It lasted 3 or 4 weeks before he finally couldn't watch me do it anymore. When he finally joined me, and we were off to the races.

I never did drugs around my son or any of my children for that matter. I would take him to my grandmother's house (next door). I would do my thing and then go to school. Finally, when I woke up one morning and realized I had nothing left, we had to move in with his mother. I left Nicholas with my grandmother because I knew that it was the best thing for him.

That was the hardest day for me. Doing what was best for him, hasn't always been the best for me. I have been called a bad mom, continuously by people who don't know me or the situation.

The relationship that I have with my family is a toxic one. They don't trust me to even leave the house with my sons. I can't have sleepovers with them or even go for a walk around the block without being monitored. I have to fight in court, against people who claim they want what's best for him/them. How can they sit there and say they have the best interest, and keep a child away from their mother?

This day is always hard on me. Emotionally it's draining. I always dread this time. I hope that in the future, it will bring on happier memories. That he can have the family he deserves. I need this for myself, so my heart can be full.

Happy Birthday, Nicholas. I love you more than you will ever understand. You are strong, you are bright, you are wonderful. You have a marvelous life ahead of you. I promise I will be there every step of the way. Love always, Mom.


With all the love,
Shell

It's Time...

This is something that I have been putting off for some time now. I have always enjoyed writing and used to do it when I was younger. (Xanga fans, where you at?)

Since I have started influencing, I have been torn on doing reviews for the products that I receive. After a lot of consideration, I decided to focus my ideas and energy into my writing. I have great plans for this blog, not just for reviews, but for myself. They always say to take time and reflect. So, why not? The greatest advice I have ever received from any English professor was to write about what you know. Now, I may have a wide variety of knowledge on a few subjects, and I may be known to throw my opinion out there when it's not needed. However; I have true intentions. If I can make a difference in someone's life, whether it's big or small- I would take that as my purpose has been served.

I hope that my readers will grow with me. I hope that my followers will want to search for me and look to me for recommendations and reviews. I know I have a few blogs that I enjoy reading. I guess you could say they are my inspiration. I hope to achieve that for someone.

Hang with me guys. This is going to be a fun process. Let's grow together.


Best,
Shell xx